Sitting across the owner of the gym, I could feel my heart rate increase. We were finishing up my 30 minute consultation and he was quickly approaching the ‘packages’ (aka investment) portion of our meeting.
I knew it was going to be a lot.
This was a premier gym in downtown Toronto. The kind where you can only workout there if you’re working with a trainer. The kind where everyone is fit and seems to have walked off the cover of a fitness magazine. I already felt like I didn’t belong there and now, he was going to prove it financially.
Then he said it… the cheapest package… was $1000 a month. It knocked the wind right out of me. There was no way I could afford that!
He looked at me and asked, “So, what package works best for you?”
‘None of them!” Yelled the voice in my head.
Then suddenly, out of no where I said, “The last one. Do you take credit cards?”
I didn’t have a clue how I was going to pay for it – but I knew I had no choice. If I was ever going to lose the weight and stop feeling like this in my body, I had to make a massive shift. I was all in.
That was the moment that changed my life FOREVER.
I went home and overhauled my finances, spending habits and social life. Four months later, completely committed to my goal, I finally got the body of my dreams. Four years later, I am now a certified nutritionist and health coach and have been helping busy Moms make the same massive shifts and transform their own lives.
The Number One Reason We Don’t Achieve Our Goals
After 10 years of my own weight loss journey and four years of coaching women through theirs, I’ve noticed one trend that prevents people from achieving their goals – our hesitation to invest in ourselves.
There are a million theories as to why we don’t invest in ourselves: fear, self-worth, lack of self-confidence. Throw any self-development catch phrase at it and in some way, it’ll stick.
Which is why this post isn’t about what ‘my theory’ is on people’s whys. I’m not going to tell you it’s because you’re afraid, or because you have limiting beliefs, or don’t think you’re worth it… I believe that everyone’s why is different and so to try to find an overarching why doesn’t serve you. That part is up to you to do the work and uncover in order to overcome it.
What I do know to be true (having been there so many times before) is that in the moment we’re faced with making that life-changing decision, we allow the voice inside our head to do the talking for us without question, examination or considering what’s possible. The reasons that the voice uses are are based on our why (lack beliefs about money, self-worth, self-confidence) which is why in the moment they seem like good reasons – because that voice has been using them our whole life to hold us back. So of course we don’t question it or challenge it – to us – these are the FACTS.
We can analyze our reasons all day and get caught up in the analysis paralysis of self-examination of the ego all day. But as someone who’s been there – that’s not going to move us into action. In fact in many cases, it keeps us stuck because now we have a ‘story’ around why we don’t do the things that we want. ‘I have limiting beliefs which is why I don’t do the things I want to.’ Great, Susan… but how are you moving through that so that you start doing the things…?
So when it comes to taking action and investing in myself, I’ve found that the most helpful thing of all is to have a process in place that helps you move through the ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’ and come out on the other side quickly. No analysis paralysis, no limiting belief stories – a stone cold 10-step process to get you to your dreams.
This is the exact same process that I have used in my life that has moved me into action to, not only build the body of my dreams, but the business of my dreams and on the path to creating the life of my dreams. Because if there is one thing I know to be true – it’s that the Universe or God or The Highest Power rewards those who pay to play. And if you want the big life, you have to take massive action. Otherwise you can keep focusing on your ‘limiting beliefs’ Susan, and stay stuck.
So if you’re on the fence about making an investment in yourself use my 10-Step Process to Unblocking Your Dreams, to help you see that what you want is ACTUALLY possible – and not simply assuming that it’s not because that’s what you’ve always told yourself.
Be sure to write your responses down so that you can see them on paper. It’s enlightening to see what we tell ourselves vs. what’s actually the truth. For each question, I’ve put them into context using weight loss as an example but this can be applied to any area of your life.
My 10-Step Process to Unblocking Your Dreams
1. On a scale of 1-10 how unhappy does this current situation make me on daily basis?
The key to answering this question, is to not only put into reference how unhappy this makes you, but also examine the duration of time that you have experienced this pain. I say this because, if you’ve been struggling with this issue for a while (feeling unattractive in your skin), overtime, the pain can become something that we adapt to and therefore don’t feel as intensely – like having a really bad cold – for the first few days it can feel horrible, but over time, we become used to feeling ‘shitty’ and start to accept it.
2. On a scale of 1-10 how often does this current situation negatively affect how I think about myself?
Examine how frequently this situation filters into your thoughts and your life during your day. For example, is it the first thing you think about when you wake up? Does it come up every time you (look in the mirror, eat something, go out for dinner, get together with people, etc.)? How often are these negative thoughts surface?
3. How is my current situation impacting my relationships (Partner, kids, friends, family?)
When we’re stuck in our own pain, we rarely think about how it impacts those around us. In my own experience, my pain prevented me from being intimate with my partner, from sharing special moments with my daughter because I didn’t want to take her swimming, and from going out and be social with friends and family because I was always stressing about food. Making a list of all the ways in which this issue impacts your relationships helps you to see how this is not just affecting you, but the people you love.
4. What areas of my life are being impacted?
It’s also important to look at the areas of our life that are being impacted, in addition to our relationships. For example, lacking confidence to make presentations at work because you don’t feel comfortable standing up in front of people, not going to the gym because you feel like everyone is judging you, not putting yourself out to date or find a relationship, etc.
5. What would my life look like in a year if I achieved my dream?
This is an important one to ask yourself and should be explored using the other two questions above (where you examine how things are holding you back). What would your life look like if none of those things existed and you achieved your dream?
6. What would my life look like in a year if I didn’t?
For this question, explore the alternative – what will things look like if you don’t do anything? Will things get worse? How so?
7. What is my breaking point? How bad am I willing to let this get before I do something?
This can be harder to define because for many of us, breaking points are arrived at through a feeling and not a singular or sequence of events. However, this question can be helpful by allowing us to see how far we currently are in our life, in relation to what we see as our ‘breaking point’.
8. What are the factors that are holding me back from making this decision?
Make a list of all of the things that are currently holding you back from achieving your goals. These are typically things like, money, time, support, having a system to follow or a coach, etc.
9. How valid are these reasons if it means that the above consequences are a result?
To answer this question effectively, you have to consciously quiet the voice inside your head as it will do it’s best to convince you that they are valid (when many of them are not upon deeper examination). By examining your reasons by countering each one with ‘Is this true?’ you have the ability to explore whether or not your reasons are actually valid. Is it true that you don’t have the money for this, or would it just require a re-working of a budget and less eating out/shopping/etc. in order for you to pay for it? Is it true that you don’t have the time or could you get up an hour earlier, stop watching tv at night, get off your phone, etc. in order to make more time in your day? If it meant the difference between achieving your goals and creating a life that makes you happy (and as a bi-product improving the relationships with those around you as well) how valid are your reasons if they’re blocking you from stepping into that life?
10. What can I do to change these factors to support me?
If these reasons are still factors for you, take some time to examine what’s possible, instead of thinking about what isn’t. For example, if money was a factor, where can you make changes to your spending habits or budget differently. What sacrifices are you willing to make to make this happen? Explore other options like payment plans or putting it on your credit card so that you could pay for it incrementally instead of all up front? If time was a factor, examine how you can make more time in your life and if there are people around you that can help you to do that? Share these questions and your answers to help communicate your desire to do this and what you’re willing to sacrifice to make this happen. Once they understand the importance that this has for you, you’d be surprised how much people are willing to support you in achieving your dreams.
Try this exercise with something that you’ve been hesitant to invest in and let me know how it goes! Need some help? Book an Unblock Weight Loss call with me and we can uncover what’s blocking you from achieving your goals and help you move to the other side!
With love and nut butter,