Nothing sucks more than having a partner that doesn’t want to eat healthy when you’re on a diet, am I right?
When I first started dating my partner Markus, I was deep in diet-mode. I had already lost 20 lbs and had about 5-10 more to go. He was a personal trainer, and was just starting a ‘bulk’ (essentially the reverse of a diet where you increase your food intake to put on size and muscle). While I drank my smoothies and ate my balanced, healthy meals, he ate three cinnamon buns for breakfast, pizza pockets for lunch and protein shakes, pasta and ice cream for dinner.
Needless to say, it was a frustrating experience. But it that taught me the most valuable lesson I would ever learn in dieting: Your goals are your responsibility and no one else’s.
Tough pill to swallow. Believe me.
I mean he should have been more sensitive, more compassionate to my goals, right?
His lifestyle was hindering my progress, and therefore he should have to be the one to change, not me… right?
Sadly, that’s not exactly true. And the reason why, is best described in Mark Manson’s book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. In it, he writes,
‘A lot of people hesitate to take responsibility for their problems, because they believe that to be responsible for your problems is to also be at fault for your problems. Which is not always the case. There are also problems that we aren’t at fault for, yet we are still responsible for them.’
Just like…an over-indulgent partner who (unfortunately) doesn’t have to change his lifestyle, simply because you have a weight loss goal.
Although frustrating, this realization helped me to recognize how much I blamed other people and the circumstances of my life (including my partner) for my lack of success. It was unnerving to see how willing I was to hand over power to other people to determine the outcome of my goals.
As much as this mindset and behaviour of putting blame on someone or something else made me ‘feel better’ about my inability to achieve my goals, I realized that I didn’t want to ‘give away’ that power. I wanted to determine my life, my success, and my goals – no one else.
‘The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives. Accepting responsibility is therefore thus the first step to solving our problems’. – Mark Manson
I knew something had to change so I immediately started taking responsibility for my goals and my actions. I vowed to do it for the next 6 months to see what would happen. And you know what – I was able to stick to my diet and… I lost the weight.
This mindset shift became the key to my weight loss success and has become a pillar in my coaching to help my clients ‘unblock’ their weight loss. If this resonates with you, I invite you to try the same approach and see if it works for you the same way it did for me. Set a time frame and take responsibility for all the things that you normally would put on other people and other things that hold you back from achieving your goals. Busy job, unsupportive partner, crazy schedule with the kids… none if it is your fault, but it is your responsibility to find solutions for it if you want to truly find success on your own terms.
If you want to talk it out with someone who’s been there, then book an Unblock Weight Loss Call with me and together we’ll uncover what’s holding you back and how we can get you to overcome it!
With love and nut butter,